[. Never .]

I'll never be somebody's angel
Never first on anyone's list
I'll never be somebody's "beautiful girl"
Or referred to as "begging to be kissed."


You come to me when you need a shoulder
When you need to know somebody cares
It's ok, I know when you don't need me
It's easy to pretend I'm not there.


You see me, and see that I'm smiling
But don't think that it might not be real
You don't notice that it never touches my eyes
You don't realize the pain that I feel.


I'll never be anyone's angel.
It won't ever matter if I'm not alright
I'm struggling just to keep myself moving
And I feel like I'm losing the fight.

November 2009

. field . of . flowers .

I lay down in a field of flowers
And gaze up at the clear blue sky
I close my eyes and daydream
As the hours slowly pass me by


I feel the warm, soft sunshine
Gently kiss me on my cheek
And flower petals smooth as velvet
Tickle underneath my feet


But then a wispy cotton ball
Blocks out the rays of light
And the air grows cold and harsh
As daytime seems to turn to night


The fresh green blades of grass
Die and fade to brown
The velvet petals wither
And then fall quickly to the ground


My daydreams turn to nightmares
My field has evanesced
My eyes can't grow accustomed
To the ugliness that's left


The lightness of my soul's vanished
Fear settles on my heart
The contentedness that was my world
All at once is torn apart


Anguish takes the place of joy
Desperation now lives on
Any hope that I once had,
Like my flower field, is gone.

February 3, 2008

[. broken .]

I knew that it had broken
It was shattered, torn apart
I knew it was bound to happen
You finally destroyed my heart.

I saw it laying there in pieces
Jagged, cracked, and dying
I heard the wrenching, twisted sobs
I knew my soul was crying.

I lay there begging... pleading
"Don't do this to me please!"
You turned your back and walked away
And left me screaming on my knees.

I knew that it was broken
I knew you'd be the one to break it.
I know that it can't be made whole again
I'm in pain... and I can't take it.

March 22, 2006

[. i . don't . love . you . anymore .]

My feelings for you changed somehow
The butterflies have long since gone
While you tell me you still love me
I've started moving on.

I don't know how it happened
I won't pretend that I know why
You ask if I still want you
And I don't want to lie.

My heartbeat has stopped racing
When I hear you say my name
I still have feelings for you
But they're simply not the same.

I don't want to lose you though
We can be friends just as before
But friendship's all I have to give
'Cause I don't love you anymore.

June 30, 2005

.untitled.

She's down on the ground and she's broken
Her face is tear stained, she's been crying
She doesn't feel like she has strength to go on
She feels like she's two seconds from dying.


She's lost all she loves and she cares for
There's nothing left here for her now
She wishes that she could just cease to exist,
Disappear, but she doesn't know how.

So she cries out to God up in Heaven
To release her and save her from her pain
But her body was wracked with emotional sobs
She felt she had cried out in vain.

But then agony loosened its grip on her heart
A calming peace took its place in her mind
A loving voice said to her, "My child trust me
And you'll see things grow better with time."

She's up off the ground and not broken
God pieced her together with His hands
So here she is with the Lord as her guide
For together with Christ now she stands.

6.2.05

[. The . Girl . I . Left . Behind .]

I stare out of the window
Wishing I could find
The person that I used to be...
The girl I left behind.
The girl who laughed at everything
And made angels in the snow
The one who slept with teddy bears...
That's not the girl I know.
The girl who looks up at the stars
And wishes she was there
She opens up her heart and soul
To people who don't care...
That's the girl that I see now
Who feels so all alone.
She just wants there to be a place
She can truely call home.
Somewhere people love her
Not just a place to rest her head.
That is what I wish for
Each night before I go to bed.


December 4, 2003

. Emerald . Green .

From the moment I first saw him

He stole my breath away

And I could not begin to tell him

What my heart wanted to say.

I gazed upon his gorgeous face

It was freckled and so fair

And then my eyes did wander

To his shaggy mane of ginger hair.

Next I caught his dazzling smile

So warm and so sincere

Enough to brighten up the sky

As he grinned from ear to ear.

When he took my hand in his

My heart, it skipped a beat

I could feel it flutter in my chest

As he swept me off my feet.

He pulled me up into his arms

I gazed deep into his eyes

I got lost in pools of emerald green

That were innocent and wise.

Then he gently brought my face to his

As he held me tight and kissed me too

He whispered softly to me

"My darling girl, I'll always love you."

December 24, 2004

. i'll . never . tell .

The girl is young and innocent

Her heart has seen no wrong.

She's got beautiful, big, chocolate eyes

And vanilla colored hair that's long.

The little girl plays with her dolls

She smiles all the time.

And even though she won't tell you

She still likes hearing nursery rhymes.

She's always trusted everyone

She didn't know she shouldn't.

She didn't know she should say NO

Until she realized she couldn't.

She's not innocent anymore.

Her chocolate eyes have lost their shine.

Her pretty hair hangs in her face

And she hates those nursery rhymes.

The little girl stares at the floor

She won't look you in the eye.

You know that she's unhappy

But don't think to ask her why.

The girl is all grown up now.

She tries to hide her feelings well.

But don't ask her why she cries at night

Because I know she'll never tell.

December 4, 2003

. the . girl . i . left . behind .

I stare out of the window

Wishing I could find

The person that I used to be...

The girl I left behind.

The girl who laughed at everything

And made angels in the snow

The one who slept with teddy bears...

That's not the girl I know.

The girl who looks up at the stars

And wishes she was there

She opens up her heart and soul

To people who don't care...

That's the girl that I see now

Who feels so all alone.

She just wants there to be a place

She can truely call home.

Somewhere people love her

Not just a place to rest her head.

That is what I wish for

Each night before I go to bed.

December 4, 2003

[. go . home .]

I wanted to kiss you

I wanted to say,

"Don't ever leave me.

Please tell me you'll stay."

I wanted to hold you

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to shout out

"Don't tell me goodbye!"

I wanted to beg you"

Don't leave me alone."

Instead I just smiled,

Turned, and walked home.

July 1, 2002

[. she . cries . at . night .]

There was a little girl

Who used to cry while she slept

Like there was some bad secret

That only her dreams kept.

If you looked at her precious face

While she dreamed, you could see tears

For all the pain inside her heart

That had grown throughout the years.

She had no one to come to though

No one to help her through the hurt.

She had only her dream world

But that just made things worse.

Worse, cause in her dreams at night

She had all she ever needed.

But when she woke, like ocean waves

Her dreams always receded.

They left her with nothing

Short of what she'd had before.

No, when she woke, instead

Her pain had increased ten times more.

She'd lie awake in the dark

Then cry herself to sleep.

But you saw, the tears don't stop there

She continues to weep.

She sees angels in her head

While she sleeps, who take her pain.

But when she wakes those visions

Have become her very bane.

They're the reason she doesn't

Want to close her eyes at night.

It just makes her heart heavier

To see them so pure and bright.

The little girl is innocent

And yet her hurt's so deep.

The only thing she asks

Is for you to hold her while she sleeps.

February 18, 2002

[.You Only See Her Smile.]

Outside you see her smiling
While inside, her heart screams.
But she doesn't want you to know
That things aren't always what they seem.

You see her looking happy
Although her eyes reflect sorrow.
But you don't realize that she's dying
Because you won't be with her tomorrow.

Inside, her spirit's broken
Her soul has started crying.
But you don't ever notice that
Because you only see her smiling.
January 24, 2002

.[Before.It.Broke].

Please excuse the noise I'm making
What you hear is my heart breaking
Then shattering as it hits the ground
With the pieces spread out all around.

See, I fell in love with you
I'd have done anything you asked me to.
I wouldn't hurt you or make you cry
I'd help you without asking why.

You're like an angel sent to me
I only wish that you could see
That before it went and broke apart
You were the one that held my heart.

October 17, 2001

.[Please].

Looking past the iron bars

I long to just be free.

I'm curled up and dying here

But I can't make them see.

Tears slowly slide down my face

As I watch from the inside.

I just want to disappear

But I've got nowhere to hide.

They find it amusing

To cause me constant pain.

I've yearned for sunshine in my life

But I see clouds and rain.

I'm shivering and all alone

There's no one to comfort me.

No one to tell me it's ok

Just those who want to hurt me.

Someone please unlock the door

Let me out of this cage.

Hold me while I let go

Of all my pain, my hurt, my rage.

Keep me close to stop my shaking

Be there to dry my tears.

Stay with me in to the night.

Please help calm my fears.

Don't let them taunt me anymore

Make sure they'll never tease.

Keep me with you, safe from harm

Just love me... please.

November 19, 2001

Just An Introduction

I have been writing poetry since I was 11 years old. I am by no means a terrific poet, but I just wanted somewhere to keep all of my poetry together. Old and new.

I write poems when the feelings I have can't be expressed any other way. I've written less often as of late, but the feelings are still there. If you read, I hope you enjoy.